Wait. Let me preface this with the fact that I have very little tartar on my teeth even if I don't brush and floss regularly. The dentist told me that I probably do not have the enzyme (or if I have it, I have very little of it) that turns plaque into tartar. So, I am SO INSANELY SMUG about this little fact that I literally stopped flossing. I wasn't even ashamed to admit it to the hygienist I know it's not smart. I know it's gross. I know you still get inflammation if you don't floss, but I made it for an entire YEAR without flossing more than two or three times and guess what? NO CAVITIES! I was thrilled. But then my dentist retired.
So I met the new dentist at the next cleaning visit and immediately I didn't like her because I was being a smart ass and she didn't think I was funny. Whatever. The next set of x-rays at my regular cleaning visit showed...TWO small cavities between my teeth. Ok. Fine. Guess what? I don't care. I am not even considering getting those filled because you are a new dentist I have never met and you just think you're so damn smart. So I went to the next regular cleaning appointment and she looked at the same x-rays (because insurance only pays for them once a year and I go every six months) and was all, "Yep, just the same problems we talked about last time. Have a nice life." Ok. That's not a direct quote. Well, guess what? I'm finding a different dentist and getting a second opinion because you just think you're so damn smart and you act like you don't have time for me. Well, guess what, lady! I don't have time for you! I'm taking my business elsewhere. Harumph.
So I skipped a visit just to piss her off. I know she noticed.
Okay. Well, I didn't plan on going back to see her because I just don't like her and she's making up all these cavities and just wants my money, but I am starting a new job and I decided I needed to get this over with because my schedule won't be so accommodating. The hygienist lady comes in and takes the x-rays and cleans my teeth and then she calls the dentist in for the exam. Guess what that bitch tells me. She has the gall to start writing all this crap down in my chart and then looks over at me. "Ms. _____ (me), let's see here. You have.... (looks down at the chart and starts counting out loud)...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... (then looks back at me with the most annoyed glare I have ever seen) ...seven cavities and you need a crown." And I am so pissed.
I'll just skip to the end at this point.
Three days later I find myself lying in this reclining chair with a bright light in my eyes, these weird sunglasses on, and these two people starring at me. I brought my iPod so I wouldn't have to hear the drilling and I asked that they make sure not to let me smell the burning bits of my teeth that they are grinding out of my mouth. All I can think is that this is what it is like to be abducted by aliens. They are using a DRILL...inside...my mouth. There's water spraying everywhere, there's clamps on my teeth, there's the suction thing that keeps sucking my tongue into it. All of it was horrible. And I laid there...white-knuckled, butt-cheeks clenched, shoulders and neck all tensed in case I have to hit someone and run out of there. But I just laid there without being restrained. Would I let a real alien do this to me? I guess so.
See? I think I am such a bad ass refusing dental care and being so smug about my enzymes and there I laid. Resistance was futile and I knew it. And that dentist thought she was so damn smart while she made Swiss cheese out of my teeth. I know she was smirking behind that mask.
